PSA: Dating
Anyone that is uncomfortable with disclosing what their intentions are with you is gross.
It is that simple. Just be open about what you want to get out of knowing eachother. Maybe you don't know what you want and you just want to pass time by getting to know this person. Say that.
Maybe you like the thrill of getting into someone and you live for the mystery of where things could go. Say that.
Maybe you just want a platonic friendship that is also emotionally invested in helping you grow romantically. Say that.
If you're not being honest about what you want or where your head is at, you're intentionally deceiving the other person.
People will try and play the other person like "you assumed" alright then, if you're not the villain in the equation.. don't leave room for any assumptions. Be direct.
You can tell a lot about people by how they conduct themselves. In the very beginning (what yall like to call the "talking" stage) you should both have a pretty good idea of what's happening.
There isn't a gender role attached to clarity. If the other person doesn't start the conversation about what they want or where it's heading, then you should start it for the sake of clarification. Either you like wasting your time or you don't.
People will downright take advantage of whatever you're willing to give them. Some people love to use the excuse like "I didn't know you felt that way" .. etc and they have every right to say that because no one can read your mind.
The best way to determine if someone is capable of giving you what you want is literally to ask them. You can always match what they say to how they act. Actions Vs Words. This way you have a better idea of how much time and effort you are willing to invest in this person or if you should start looking elsewhere. Stop being so afraid of the truth. Grow up.
*BONUS: If you know you don't want something serious and you see the relationship heading towards a more serious commitment phase, you have to be vocal about that. If you keep playing along until the last minute, you are trash and you know it.
In the same breath, if you don't know if the person you're dealing with wants to get serious with you, and you keep treating someone who wants to be temporary like they are going to be permanent ... I'm sorry baby but you're setting up the trap.
The accountability is mutual. The end result just signifies who is more at risk of getting hurt. Your main goal is to have an idea of what you want before going into that whole realm of including another person into your festivities.
Maybe you started out wanting something serious, but somewhere down the line your feelings changed and now you just want to chill. Voice that.
Maybe you started out wanting something fun and flirty but now more emotions are developing around the situation and you're not sure what you want to do but you still want to talk to this person. Voice that.
Imagine how simple things could be if you both had enough mutual respect for yourselves and eachother. State where you stand and respect the other person enough to decide if they're down with what you want or if they want to stick around just to see what happens.
We need to have more communication. Stop hiding behind silence.
